Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
