I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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