Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
