Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
