Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
