genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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