Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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