i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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