so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
