The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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