what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
