went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
