I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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