I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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