Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
