her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
