Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
