he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
