I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
