You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
