Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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