so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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