I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We left an ass print on the piano.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
