I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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