I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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