oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
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