Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize