with your own penis?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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