The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
