It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
