you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
