I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Randomize
