when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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