it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize