Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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