she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
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