Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
