if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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