Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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