I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize