Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
