I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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