did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
