dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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