we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
