He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
So. Much. Porn.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize