If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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