my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
