youre lurking in front of me
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
