my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
