Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
