If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
