the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize