Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
