I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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