Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
please come you make the beer taste better
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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