You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
