I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
