am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
