Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's shark week go big or go home
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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