Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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