It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
