currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize