Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
