On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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