my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
