The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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