I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
