I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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