found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
