I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
love makes seman taste better
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
