he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
