I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
