I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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