So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
