I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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