The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
