you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
