everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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