i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
