Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize