Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
