don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
