Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
