aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
