Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
