remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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