Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
