Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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