It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
