They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
