i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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