idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
