you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
