I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize