Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
