This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
