gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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