If you die in college, do you die in real life?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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