do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
