I bet he comes in French.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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