I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Bring me that man meat
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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